Have I carried a child for nine months? No. Have I experienced the joy and love when holding my child for the first time? No. Have I woken up multiple times at night to feed my little one? No. The list goes on. That being said, I have carried multiple little ones, I have grieved the loss of three children, and I have worried countless hours about my children. Does that make me a mother? YES.
My first miscarriage happened last April which made May 11th an extremely difficult day for me.
Mother's Day.
To make matters worse, it was the day that we had planned to tell our parents that we were expecting as it was to be shortly before the end of the first trimester. I remember calling my mom and my sister to wish them a happy mother's day and made an excuse to have to quickly end the call. If I hadn't, I would've started to cry because I so badly wanted to be wished a happy mother's day, too.
E and I have been pretty private and quiet about our losses. There's a very limited number of people who know and we're certainly not posting on Facebook. I think a part of my struggle stems from this fact as so few people know that I am a mom which it makes me feel even less of a mom. But damn it, I am a mom! I may not have any little babies to show for it and I may not be sleep deprived, but I'm a mom. I have created four humans who unfortunately never got a to say a proper hello to the world, but it certainly doesn't make me any less of a mom.
I really hope that society begins to change its views on miscarriage because so many of us feel as if we need to hide in the shadows and not tell our stories. In addition we don't get recognized as mothers which makes the whole situation worse. So ladies who have miscarried and unfortunately still have no living children, take a few minutes to celebrate your version of motherhood and while you're at it celebrate your husband, boyfriend, or significant other because he is a father.
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