I just wrote about this. It makes me whiny. I could just delete my Facebook but I don't want to.
I just can't escape the pregnancy announcements. Seriously I think EVERYONE is having a baby in October except me. Not only is a girl from high school (who is now engaged to her boyfriend of 4 months because of the baby) but a girl that E and I both used to work with. I feel like I've moved on from being mad about the announcements (progress, y'all. Progress.) and I honestly am happy for them (especially the girl that we used to work with because she's an awesome mom to her two kids).
But it stings. It really, really stings.
I saw a psychic over the weekend and he told me that I need to stop playing the victim because that's the only way that I'm going to move on. I had to double check that I was speaking with a psychic and not a therapist. But he was right. I am playing the victim. That's what RPL does to us.
I'm really trying my best to let my anger flood from my body and I feel that the small gesture of liking her post and genuinely feeling happy for her shows that I'm working on it. But honestly? I don't think announcements will ever be comfortable until we get the opportunity to do so.
Before I never really wanted to announce a pregnancy on Facebook. My thoughts were that those who I wanted to know would know from talking to me and with so many things able to go wrong in those 9 months, it wasn't something that I wanted to do. But I think my thoughts have changed.
Now I can't wait until we get to announce a pregnancy. And I probably will do it on Facebook. Not only for the selfish reason of wanting to announce it to the world but also to give those who are secretly dealing with RPL or infertility. I want to tell them that we have "x" number of angels watching over our miracle and someday they'll be able to say the same.
We all will.
*Update*
Today's just not a good day. To add a tablespoonful of salt to injury, there was yet another October announcement tonight and a former student of mine posted that his sister, who is a junior in high school and is a former student of mine too, had a baby today. WTF universe? I must've really screwed up in a former life.
I can't wait to announce either, for all of the reasons you said. And even though I'm mostly in the infertility closet, if this pregnancy progresses healthily and all looks good, I plan to come out on 8/16, my original due date for the baby we lost in January. I always said that once I reached some other side of my journey - whether it was with a take-home baby or deciding to live childfree - I'd out myself. I just didn't want to deal with everyone asking me questions and putting their two cents in while I was still in infertility limbo.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get answers soon from doctors. I feel like there's something really big going on that's been missed so far. Even if you don't get the answer that you're hoping for, I think you just need those answers.
Thank you and I'm hoping that we get something. I've never been so excited for doctor appointments!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about not wanting everyone's two cents. While most try to be helpful a lot of the time it's hurtful or something that just frustrates me more. Other times, though, I feel guilty for being so quiet about it all because it just makes the topic even more "taboo".
Anyway, can't wait to hear how your ultrasound goes! Fingers crossed for wonderful news!!
Is it that it's taboo or is it that it's just so raw and personal? I wouldn't feel guilty. You're in the thick of something painful, and sometimes I think the silence is just another way of trying to protect ourselves.
DeleteThanks for the encouragement! I am terrified but trying to keep myself from freaking out unncecessarily. I've got EVERYTHING crossed right now!!!