Worry wort

Since meeting E, I found myself getting more and more excited about starting a family. I've always been excited about having kids but the fast few years I found myself getting really excited about pregnancy itself.

Fast forward to today and while I enjoy the idea of being pregnant, I can't actually enjoy the process. I worry and stress over every detail. For the past year, I've associated pregnancy with unhappiness since it always ends badly.

I've tried my hardest not to get too attached to this pregnancy (see, I still have trouble even saying the word baby freely) because I know if it ends badly I will again be crushed. That being said, I've found over the past couple of days that I'm getting used to the idea of actually being pregnant. There's actually a baby with a heartbeat (maybe) inside of me. I can thank Dr. M for that. That one little word (viable) really changed my perspective.

I'm begging God to not give us bad news on Thursday afternoon. Grow baby (and sac)! 3 days...